Show Up to Your Abuser

Show Up to Go Up Podcast

Episode 6: Show Up to Your Abuser

 

 

This is heavy but important stuff. I was super nervous to release this episode for lots of different reasons but I want to speak up and support my sisters! So here goes...

 

I had 3 things happen to me in 4 days - 1. I recorded the Scarcity Mindset episode for this podcast and I spoke about an exercise we did at RISE called Stand Up for Your Sister where we were all given a piece of paper with a bunch of tough statements such as “I’ve suffered from depression” or “I’ve lost a child.” We anonymously passed our paper until it was lost in the sea of women and then when Rachel read each statement we would stand up if the new paper we had, the paper of another anonymous woman in the room, had marked that she had experienced the statement Rachel read. It was a very powerful and emotional thing. I knew one of the statements was “I have been raped.” I thought maybe I’d see a hundred women stand but no, wayyy more stood. Over a quarter of the women stood up. It was eye opening and heart breaking. 

 

THEN the next day I find out an old friend was sexually abused. THEN I watch Bombshell (great movie about the sexual harassment scandal at Fox News). It was all too much for me and my emotions (I may or may not have been on my time of the month but that’s besides the point)! I was emotional and so I posted a picture on social media sharing my truth of these 3 things and how mad and sad I was for all the women who have gone through sexual abuse. I said “I see you and I support you. I’m hurting with you. And I’m here for you.” It was a post supporting other women. And then at the last minute I added a sentence about how when I was younger a producer tried to drug and take advantage of me. A bunch of people commented on it telling me I was brave and strong but I wasn’t trying to be brave and strong. I was trying to be a cheerleader for other women. A friend commented that it was coming up because I was going to heal. I thought that was a lovely thought but I didn’t need to heal. 

 

And then...a guy commented on it. A guy who, in high school, when my friend left for the bathroom he came out of nowhere and laid on top of me and wouldn’t get off and tried to force me to kiss him. It wasn’t until he heard my friend flush the toilet that he jumped off and we never spoke of it after that. I was so shocked by what had happened I didn’t know what to say. He commented on the post and said “truth.” And I remembered that moment and the struggle trying to get out from under him. I remembered a couple years ago when a few other women mentioned him sexually assaulting them as well.

 

Then I remembered the guys in junior high who would hold me down and take turns grabbing my boobs. I had forgotten about it because we were all friends and they didn’t mean anything by it, right? But I never wanted nor asked for them to do that. Yet, I let it happen because I didn’t know how to say no. 

 

Then I thought at what point do I stop making excuses for these guys? At what age? This is not okay. I never asked for any of these things and they are happening to women every single day. Why is this something we have to deal with? It’s not okay.

 

I realized I have been suppressing my story because I didn’t think it was good enough to be told but I realized by me telling my story it sheds light on this issue and hopefully it’ll help others to find the courage to share theirs as well. We aren’t just women, we are people, and we deserve to be treated like it.

 

If you have been sexually abused in any way I am so sorry! It’s not your fault. Those men that do those things can be very manipulative and no matter what happened, you aren’t in the wrong! And you aren’t less than for it. You are amazing, and beautiful, and so strong! I encourage you to talk about what happened with someone - even if it’s just a therapist so that you can heal. Or you can email me here - showuptogoupco@gmail.com. I promise I will listen! 

 

If you haven’t been through this then please pay attention. Don’t turn away because it’s heavy or hard to hear! We are stronger in numbers. Love and support each other. Know that everyone has a story and a battle they are fighting. Be kind and lead with love.

 

My goal is to reach and help as many people as possible. If you like this podcast please share it with your friends so they can be inspired and motivated as well. 

 

I’m doing a giveaway every week for the first 6 weeks and you could win an Amazon gift card! To enter - subscribe to my podcast, give me a 5 star review, and add your email here - www.showuptogoup.com. This is how I’ll contact you if you win. Good luck!

 

Find me on Instagram at @showuptogoup OR @stephygthatsme :)