Show Up to Go Up

Show Up and Challenge Yourself

As some of you know, I took the summer away from my podcast to be a caretaker for my mom. My mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor in June and given 1-2 months to live. I put everything on hold to spend the last months of her life with her. My mom passed away at the end of August.

As time goes by I am finding myself wondering how do I move forward? And so I have decided to just take small steps everyday. I decided I am challenging myself to put out new, inspiring content every day for the next 100 days. In addition, I plan to be honest about where I am on my healing journey. 

Last year I did a 12 week book program called The Artist Way and I had amazing results. It led to a lot of realizations and healing so I knew I wanted to incorporate The Artist Way into my healing journey after losing my mom. It is an amazing book that will help you to let go of anything that may be blocking you or preventing you from creating the things on your heart. I'd highly recommend it to anyone!

The first official day of the challenge begins tomorrow. I hope to inspire you and heal your grief as I work to heal my own. If you'd like to dive deeper you can follow me on Instagram at @stephygthatsme or @showuptogoup or you can head over to my website www.showuptogoup.com. Keep showing up for yourself every single day! There is nowhere you can go but up!

Show Up and Jump in With Joy

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 27 Show Up and Jump In with Joy

I have deemed June "Jump In June." This month is all about taking risks but not just taking risks - finding a way to find joy in risk taking. The more risks you take the easier they will become so let's go big in June and go all in!

Happy June! I can’t believe it’s already June.  I used to have an acquaintance that would say its June. We’re now basically closer to Christmas than we are to last New Years Eve as in the year is half way over. He used it in a way to question what have you done so far this year but it was always said in a negative way and made me feel bad like I wasn’t doing enough and was somehow behind in my life. I thought about that today and I realized that is something that doesn’t bring me happiness. Focusing on how we’re almost halfway through the year might work for some people and that’s awesome but for me that makes me feel overwhelmed and like a failure and doesn’t put me in a state of joy which I’ve come to realize is what life is all about. If you are in a state of joy you are able to achieve more things. So for me focusing on feeling good now, today is more important to my overall success than focusing on how the year is half over and what I have achieved. Also in general we are freaking hard on ourselves and we don’t celebrate all the awesome things we have accomplished in the first half of the year. Don’t get me wrong it’s always good to reflect and see what’s working and what’s not working but don’t forget to take some time to celebrate your wins and put just as much emphasis and attention on your wins that you put on what you still want to achieve.

So basically I’ve learned things are not a one size fits all and that applies to everything - morning routine, diet, path to achievement, whatever it is. don’t forget that. What works for one person may not work for you. There are certain things that people do in their morning routines that don’t excite me and if I were to do them I would just be doing them to do them and to check off a box rather than because it fills me up in some way. How you feel is the greatest indicator of if you should or should not be doing something. So focus on feeling good now and things that make you feel good. That was just a random tangent but I think it was worth mentioning and it somewhat relates to what I want to talk about.

I like to theme every month because that’s just the kind of person I am. It’s the little things that bring me happiness. This month is Jump In June! As in take big leaps despite any fear that I have. But also I’m trying to jump into things with excitement rather than letting my fear create tension. I’m on the diving board looking out into the deep end. Looking out into all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations. The deep end is full of everything I’ve always wanted but I’ve never swam in this water before so I don’t know what to expect. As I stand on the diving board I’ve got four options. As I say these I want you to think about them as if you are on the diving board looking out toward your dream. In order to break these down a little more and apply them to life using a specific dream - this podcast. So my deep end is creating this podcast. What is the dream that you use in your deep end? Think of a specific thing that you want. So when you are on the edge of the diving board looking out you’ve got 4 options.

Number one you can turn around, get off the diving board, and go back to the shallow end where you have been before. You know it’s safe and you know you can touch the bottom. The shallow end isn’t very fun or exciting or fulfilling. It’s only 3 feet tall so you can’t really do much but it’s definitely safe and in my comfort zone. You can have an okay time in the shallow end - it’s probably where you just came from before you got on the diving board - but you’ll probably always wonder what it’s like to be in the deep end. I’ll see others swimming in the deep end and having so much fun and I’ll likely be jealous of them and think if only I could build up enough courage to jump I could swim with them. Or related to creating a podcast I could look out over the edge and realize that it’s too scary to put myself out there or I’m not ready and so I leave the dream of the podcast in the deep end and I return to my everyday life. I try to convince myself that I don’t really want to create a podcast or that there are too many people making podcasts so what’s the point. I try to suppress or ignore  my dream but the dream of my podcast and your dream will always be there and now that we’ve seen it and gotten so close and gone back to everyday life it just kind of feels like we’re going through the motions of life. I look to others who are creating their own podcasts and maybe I can’t express it but there is a feeling of envy within me. A feeling of jealousy. I’m not miserable in my everyday life but I’m not fulfilled either. But at least I made a choice.

The second option is you stand on the edge of the diving board and freeze. Fear has overcome you and you can’t even move back to the shallow end. You’ve given up all your power and control and you’re just letting life happen to you. You want to jump off the diving board but there are so many risks. Honestly this is probably the most painful option. It’s painful because you feel out of control. At least with the first option you made the choice to go back to the shallow end. This freezing option comes from overthinking and overanalyzing which will almost always never serve you. I have been an extreme overthinker and all it’s gotten me is mental exhaustion and distraction from what I want. Don’t get me wrong, problem solving is a great thing but there is a difference between solution driven problem solving and obsessive over analyzing. Have you ever heard of the term paralysis of analysis? Basically it’s the idea that you spend so much time thinking about all the what ifs that you don’t take any action at all. You freeze.

The third option of what you can do on the diving board is that you are fearful and nervous and you know it’s going to be hard and scary and so you spend a month or a significant amount of time feeling anxious but slowly preparing yourself to jump. It doesn’t feel good because you’re focusing on the scary things but you’re stubborn and hardworking and you’re going to do it even if you don’t enjoy it.  You will force yourself to do it. So you jump in and you do it but you're full of resistance so you can’t fully enjoy the jump, the deep end, or, in my example, the podcast process. I’ve spent a good amount of time in this option. Not necessarily with this podcast but just in general in life. I don’t know why but at some point in my life I decided that all the scary things I desire and dream about have to be scary and hard to achieve. I would take steps toward the things I said I wanted but none of it felt good because I was putting so much pressure on myself to be the best on my first try. Well that’s just not going to happen. With any new dream you have to start by sucking. You have to shift your mindset or perspective to enjoy the sucking because it means that you are closer toward achieving your goal and it is through the sucking that you get to learn and grow into a better version of yourself. I hated sucking because I hated looking bad but I’ve decided I’d rather suck and look back at something that excites me and feeds my soul than not try at all. By looking bad it means that you are trying and growing and stretching yourself and that’s an amazing thing. You don’t even know it but other people are watching you and when you are worried about looking back they are jealous of you for going for it. They are inspired by you!  I hope you have the courage to suck!

You will still suck in the fourth option there is no avoiding it but in the fourth option you lean into the journey of achieving your dream. You are excited to pursue your new dream even though you don’t know exactly how to swim or what’s waiting for you in the deep end. You are bold and you are confident and you take a leap into the deep end and you have the biggest smile on your face while you do it. Being excited doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy but it means you are committed to having fun and enjoying the journey. You are grateful for every minute and loving the challenges you face because they are making you better. Going back to what I said at the beginning - life is all about feeling good. Sometimes you have to remember your inner child and think about how he or she would handle this new thing. Kids don’t overthink they just jump in. They go for it and they figure it out along the way. I encourage you to adopt my theme for the month of June and just jump in. And not just jump in but jump in with joy. Jump in with Joy June! Ahh I just thought of that! So good! What does that mean to you? What are you going to do? How are you going to jump in? How can you find joy in the scary thing? Let go of tension let go of fear and focus on the person that you are becoming!

I used to have an acting coach that would always say leap and the net will appear. The level of success and happiness you feel is directly proportional to the amount of risks you take. I’m sure you’ve heard the quote everything you want is on the other side of fear. I used to hear that quote but I never took it in. And now that I’ve started taking more risks I can tell you from my experience it is so true. Taking risks is hard and it’s scary because it’s uncomfortable. It’s standing on the edge of diving board and choosing to jump in despite all the fears. But if you’ve ever jumped off a diving board you know that the first time is always the hardest. It’s always the scariest. The second time is a little easier and the more you do it the more it’ll become like second nature. You wont even think about jumping you’ll just do it.

When I was younger my parents would just drop me off at the local pool and I would stay there all day with my friends. I absolutely loved it. By the end of the summer I was jumping of the diving board multiple times a day. It was nothing! It was my new normal. Taking risks is the same. The first risk is going to be scary but if you’re feeling that urge or desire on your heart that is your intuition telling you that risk will lead you to your purpose. That fear you feel is just misplaced adrenaline. It’s excitement disguised as fear. Have the courage to trust it. Have the courage to go for it. To joyfully jump in and keep jumping in.

Happy jump in June you guys! I would love to connect on social media and hear all the ways you are joyfully jumping in this month. You can follow me on social media at @stephygthatsme or @showuptogoup. You got this.

5 Minute Guided Meditation

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 26: 5 Minute Guided Meditation

To celebrate World Meditation Day, I recorded a 5 minute guided meditation. This meditation includes gratitude, visualization, and affirmation. This meditation will leave you feeling energized, peaceful, and present.

If you have questions or comments you can contact me at www.showuptogoup.com/contact.

You can also follow me on IG at @stephygthatsme or @showuptogoup

Show Up and Meditate

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 25 Show Up and Meditate

 

5/31/20 is World Meditation Day! How are you celebrating? To celebrate I spoke with my dear friend, Athena McDowell, who is an actress, and yoga/meditation teacher. Meditation is so important to your mental health and overall wellbeing. I hope you enjoy this episode! For more information you can follow me on IG at @stephygthatsme or @showuptogoup or at www.showuptogoup.com

Find Athena on IG at @athenadoesyoga. Here is a breakdown of our conversation...

:41 Intro

Athena is one of my dear friends. She is an actress, a yoga instructor, and meditation expert. She’s also one of the kindest, funniest, and most open people I know. I have talked about meditation in a couple episodes but I wanted to go deeper and so that’s why I asked Athena to come on the show. I know you’ll love her just as much as I do.

1:40 We talk about my 30 day challenge with meditation and gratitude and all the realizations that came during that time. I’d encourage everyone to consistently practice meditation and gratitude. You can learn so much about yourself with the power of meditation

 

 

3:40 Would you mind sharing a little more about your meditation journey and how you got to where you are now in your life?

She’s a meditation and yoga teacher who helps people build custom practices that work with their life. She found yoga in high school at a 24 hour fitness. Originally she thought it was silly but she was curious so she decided to take a class. For the next 11 years she took classes off and on and one year ago today she graduated with her yoga and meditation certification. She got into meditation from an old boss who held group meditations. The more she practiced the more she would have feelings and sensations in her body. She liked the way it felt so she knew she wanted to continue. One day while meditating she heard her inner voice tell her yoga. She didn’t think much about it but then she had two losses in her life which pushed her deeper into meditation and she realized that voice was telling her to get her yoga teacher training certification.

 

7:50 When you are meditating and you hear that voice - how do you know when it’s your inner voice verse your mind talking to you?

Meditation is letting go of your thoughts. Observing them and letting them pass. When you silent your mind enough and practice enough you will hear that tiny voice. It doesn’t happen every time.

 

9:10 What does it mean to get into alignment? What does that look like?

Alignment is being in touch with your true self and in tune with yourself. If you’re feeling sad or alone it’s a signal that you are longing for connection and you want to journey within yourself. Alignment is living happiness and joy and living your true, best life.

 

9:45 I’m reading Ask and It is Given by Abraham Hicks and it talks about your emotions being your greatest indicator of if you are in alignment. If you are feeling upset or resistant there is something to that so how can you focus your mind on happier thoughts that are true to you and make you feel good. Abraham Hicks also talks about reaching for the better feeling thought and focusing on being happy.

 

12:30 Do you find it hard to balance between people pleasing and feeling like you’re not helping enough? 

She is better able to help others once she has helped and poured into herself first. Worrying about people doesn’t help anything other than exhaust you.

 

13:40 Can you share about your loving/kindness meditation practice?

When someone pops up into her head while she’s meditating - even if it’s someone she’s angry with - she will send them love and light and then let it go so she can get back to her practice. Sometimes she specifically focuses on sending love to people.

 

15:05 What advice do you have for someone who is just starting out with meditation?

She would say to take it slow and explore. The journey within is one of the most beautiful, exciting things that you will do. Stay consistent and keep showing up even if it’s only 5 minutes a day. Start slow and build your practice and know that it’s going to change as you go. You will feel clarity, vitality, and calmness by starting a meditation practice. There is no right or wrong way to meditate. When you cry it is a release so it’s a good thing. You’re moving that tension through your body and healing. You can spiral up in a positive direction the same way people spiral down in a negative direction. Focus on changing your thoughts to change your state.

 

17:55 What is your favorite quote that you love or love to live by?

Joseph Campbell - “Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows but we can choose to live in joy.” 

 

18:25 What’s next for you and where can people find you?

She is working one on one with clients to help them create a custom meditation or yoga practice. If you don’t know much about either but have a calling or interest she will consult with you and build a practice tailored to you and your needs. You can follow her on IG @athenadoesyoga.

Show Up and Overcome Nerves

Hey there! My goal is to reach and help as many people as possible. If you like this podcast please share it with your friends so they can be inspired and motivated as well. 

Find me on Instagram at @showuptogoup OR @stephygthatsme :)

 

Last week someone came up to me and told me she has a 4th interview for her dream job and wanted to know if I had any tips on how to stay cool and confident walking into her interview. She asked me because I have been an actress for the past 10ish years and have had a lot of experience walking into scary auditions. She followed up her initial question by asking do I  even still get nervous walking into auditions after so many years. The answer is yes - basically every single time.

 

I remember after my first spin class, I waited until the end of class, and then told them it was my time teaching - it was so scary at the time. One woman came up to me and said I did a great job and I told her how nervous I was and she told me being nervous is okay and even a good thing because it’s a sign that you care. So remember that! Whether it’s a scary interview, an audition, or your first time teaching, here are some tips to help calm your nerves before the big moment. I’m going to speak specifically on a job interview but these tools apply to anything new and scary…

 

1.) Prepare yourself with knowledge and information leading up to the moment. Through practice and repetition comes confidence. If it’s a job interview find out about the company, know specifically why you want to work there, look up interview questions and practice your answers out loud. 

2.) Once the big day comes, meditate. Meditation helps calm your mind and your nervous system. It doesn’t have to be a super long meditation. 5 minutes is enough. There are so many great youtube meditation videos. Here are some of my favorites (3 minute option - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Bs0qUB3BHQ, 5 minute option - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utfw-rJUvy4, 10 minute option - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeGT1VXwfx4)  So many people avoid meditation because they don’t want to slow down but it’s literally one of the best things I do. It recenters and calms me. And gives me energy. Try just 5 minutes. 

3.) Visualize yourself looking like the rockstar that you are in the interview. See yourself calm and happy and having great, effortless conversation with the interviewer. Dream about the best case scenario. This can be done in 1-2 minutes. 

4.) Tell yourself you deserve to be there and trust that you are enough. They called you into the interview for a reason. It’s a two way street and they need you just as much as you need them. They have a void in their company that they are looking to fill and they are hoping you are the person to fill that void which is why they called you in. Empower yourself with that information. 

5.) When you step into the interview, trust that you did the work by researching the company and by being proactive to calm your nerves and set yourself up for success. Let all of that preparation and everything you did before this moment go. Be in the moment and be present with whomever you’re speaking with. Get out of your head and into your heart. If you only do one of them that’s okay and it’s better than not doing any of them but if you commit to all 5 I promise you’ll be a more confident and empowered woman walking into whatever it is you’re taking on. Congratulations on your new and scary adventure. You got this!

 

Also! I forgot to mention it but this is another great tool. Your body language affects the way you feel about yourself so stand in a power stance before the interview so you can walk in with confidence. Check out this Ted Talk about it!

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_may_shape_who_you_are

 

Show Up and Grow from Disappointments

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 23 Show Up and Grow from Disappointments

We all face disappointments. They are a part of life but they don't have to be bad. If you acknowledge your disappointments you can learn and grow from them. You can use them as a part of your story to help others.

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. Please like, share, and review if you love this podcast. You can follow me on IG @stephygthatsme or @showuptogoup. For more info and inspiration check out www.showuptogoup.com.

Here is a detailed description of this episode...

Do you ever just feel like you’ve lost all steam and motivation? Have you ever had a big goal for yourself that you didn’t achieve and it broke your heart? Have you faced a disappointment that knocked you off your game? It’s funny how life works. You may feel like you’re totally in control and things are moving in the right direction and then bam - something like covid 19 happens or some other life emergency. I want to talk about disappointments and how to keep moving forward even when things don’t go the way you hoped. I’m going to share two types of disappointments that I’ve experienced recently and how I’ve dealt with them. The first type is a totally unexpected disappointment and the second is not meeting a goal that I set for myself. Both are disappointments none the less and should be acknowledged and analyzed to keep moving forward toward happiness and success - which is the end goal right? 

 

I’m going to start off by giving you a little context. My birthday is on March 15th. Some of you may recognize that date as the Ides of March - Ides meaning middle. If you love history or Shakespeare you know that Julius Caesar was assassinated on that day and in Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar there is a line that has yet to lose stamina and that is “Beware the Ides of March.” So I was born on what some call the most unlucky day of the year. What’s your accomplishment?! Just kidding. There are multiple books, TV shows, and movies that talk about the Ides of March as a day when crap hits the fan. 

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I loooove my birthday. I love celebrating my birthday and I always have huge excitement and anticipation to celebrate. Unfortunately the week of my birthday has typically been plagued with pain and disappointment. If you don’t believe me, here are some things that have happened just to name a few...my dad told me he was leaving our family, I found out my old boyfriend was cheating on me, my grandma passed away, and you all remember covid 19 right? I’m not sure where you’re listening but in Atlanta where I live, things started closing down on my birthday and then I got laid off the next day. I hate to admit this but every year I have an internal anxiety as my birthday approaches since so many hard things have happened that week. 

 

Now let’s rewind to the beginning of the year. I was starting off 2020 with new passion, vigor, and inspiration. I was feeling more focused and motivated than ever before. I went to a personal development conference and came back on fire. I started prepping and planning for this podcast and I decided that my launch day would be 3/12 because that was my grandma’s birthday and she was such a strong woman and I wanted to honor her with this. So I had a goal and I was pumped up! 

 

We were into the beginning of March and I was on track with my goal and feeling great! I had decided that this was the year that I was going to change my ides of march fate. I was flipping the script and this was going to be the best birthday week ever! Not only was I going to release my podcast but I had an audition for a SAG national commercial and then I had a callback, which is a second audition. And then I booked it! It was my first SAG national commercial and I was so excited. On March 11th I found out I booked the commercial and had a fitting the next day and the commercial would shoot on that Friday 3/13 - literally as I said that out loud I realized it was Friday the 13th. I should have known. Anyway, booking a SAG national commercial is a huge deal and it was potentially my biggest accomplishment as an actress. And of course I booked it because this was the year I was reclaiming my birthday week and changing the way I see my birthday. All the motivational hashtags!!! I had my fitting on Thursday March 12th AND I launched my podcast! I was unstoppable!! And then, late on Thursday while I was lying in bed I checked my phone one last time and I had an email from production saying the shoot that was supposed to happen at 7am the next day was canceled. 

 

A single tear streamed down my face and then within a few seconds I composed myself and told myself that it’s okay. That it wasn’t meant to be and that God must have had a better plan than I understood. That’s all it took for me to accept it and I was able to go to bed pretty quickly. The next day at work a couple clients asked me about the commercial and I graciously told them it was canceled but I’m doing really well. I was somewhat surprised how well I was doing actually. Who am I, I thought. To not only say I was doing really well but I actually meant it.

 

An hour later I got an email from my agent asking for my availability to shoot the commercial the following Monday or Tuesday. Ahhh! Maybe it’ll be back on. Maybe it was meant to be afterall! I told her I’d make myself available NO. MATTER. WHAT. I started to get excited all over again. And thennnn later that day I got an email from casting saying that production was canceling the commercial shoot indefinitely.

 

Well let me just tell you - I didn’t take it so well the second time around. I was actually angry at God because it seemed like a cruel joke for him to take away the commercial two different times! And I had handled it so well the first time so why would he do that to me?! I couldn’t help but think that the birthday curse was alive and well. Look, I understand that curses probably aren’t real. But did you know that the Chicago Cubs couldnt win a world series for over 100 years because they were cursed by a goat? I know that it’s ridiculous but up until they won in 2016 I was fully on board with that curse because they never won? Just like my birthday seems to always derail.

 

So I lose the biggest acting accomplishment to date not one time but twice and then on my actual birthday where I live in Atlanta everything started shutting down. The day after my birthday I was going to teach a birthday themed spin class with all the best songs including “Go shorty it’s your birthday - you know we don’t give a bleep bc it’s your birthday.” Well turns out the world did give a bleep because the class got canceled and I got laid off instead. Again with the curse. That’s how strong it is - the whole world shut down. 

 

It’s okay I thought. I still have my podcast. Thank goodness for my podcast. The one seemingly good thing that I had. When I started this podcast  my #1 goal was to get on the New and Noteworthy list on Apple Podcasts. It had been my dream since I started planning the podcast in January. I talked to a friend of mine who had gotten on the list and although it is unknown exactly how a podcast gets chosen for it, he gave me some pointers that he thought could really help me. I wanted to be on this list because I believe in this podcast wholeheartedly. I really want to help people and women specifically grow more confident and more empowered. I lived the first 30 of my life playing it small and afraid to take big risks because of the fear of failing. I know how painful that is. I wanted so bad to help others and I knew getting on the New and Noteworthy list would help get my podcast in front of more people. 

 

It was my understanding that a new podcast has 8 weeks to get on the list. I did everything I could think of to get on that list. I recorded and released so many episodes so people would always have new content to listen to. I wrote to Apple basically every week to request being put on the list. Well my 8 weeks ran up a couple weeks ago and I never made it on the list. I was so disappointed. That had been my goal and focus for the past 4 months and I failed. I had a goal and I didn’t make it. 

 

I wouldn’t say I spiraled but I definitely felt down. I wondered if I should even continue. If I was even helping people. And I had all sorts of doubts and fears flood back. “Maybe I’m not good enough to achieve the big dreams that I want. Maybe I should just quit.” But, I’m not going to quit. I’m not going to throw in the towel. I know that you have likely experienced some disappointments during quarantine but I hope that you keep moving forward. Disappointment is a part of the game. Learn from those disappointments. Thank them even. And keep looking forward to the next goal. These are the things that helped me both times I felt disappointments the last couple months. Whatever your disappointment these tools can be applied.

 

1. Identify and acknowledge your disappointment. For some of you your disappointment may be obvious but for others it may be buried a little bit and you have to uncover it. When I feel disappointed it usually manifests itself as depression, apathy, lack of motivation, and avoidance. It might be different for you but I’d guess there are pretty good odds you’ve experienced one of these things when you’re disappointed. Think back to other times you’ve been disappointed or didn’t get the news you were hoping for. Get clear and specific on what it felt like. Once you have identified the feelings that are happening then you can start to ask the question why am I feeling this way? The week that my time was up to get on the New and Noteworthy list I started feeling a little off. I felt more tired and less motivated. I didn’t necessarily know it was because I didn’t meet my goal but I knew I was feeling down. I started journaling about why I was feeling down and asking myself is there anything else is there anything else? I got to the bottom of my feelings and faced them head on. Acknowledging your feelings or problem is so huge because you can move forward in dealing with whatever is going on. Which brings me to number 2. 
2. Feel your feelings without shame or guilt. I have been so motivated and focused and driven during quarantine so far that I’ve almost felt bad about it. So when I started to feel down I wanted to push it down and ignore it. Well unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. That nagging feeling will be there until you address it and even then you may have to spend a couple days going through it. Don’t rush the process. The lows are just as much a part of the process as the highs. Trust that you’ll get back to yourself but let yourself feel like crap if you need to. But this is important. Don’t quit taking action. You may have to pull it back while you’re feeling down and that’s okay but keep trying to go through the motions. Keep taking steps toward what you’re working toward - even if they are just quarter steps. Take a deep breath and just do one small thing every day to get you closer to where you want to be in life.
3. What can you learn from this disappointment? Quarantine has been full of disappointments. But there are so many good things that have come out of it as well. We’ve learned to slow down. We’ve learned how to ask for help or to give to others, to come together as a community. We’ve learned the effects of pollution now that there is less - earth is happier. From losing the commercial twice I learned that I am NOT in control. God is in control and growing closer to him and leaning on him more helps me breathe through all of this. I trust that he has a plan for all of us even when we can’t see it. From not making the new and noteworthy list I learned that I was putting too much emphasis on the wrong thing. My mission in life is to help people. My mission is not to get on a list. By focusing so much on the results of whether or not I made the list I was taking away from my greater mission and goal in life. The list is so small and insignificant compared to helping people. The funny thing is I had all these doubts about if I was helping people and a couple days later I had a few people randomly reach out and tell me that my podcast meant something to them. It gave me validation to keep moving forward toward my mission. So what can you learn from you disappointment, pain, or struggle?
4. I love the idea that we all have a story to tell. We all have our own story to tell. This disappointment that you’re going through right now - It will be a part of your story in a couple months. You will get to tell others how you failed or you went through something that when it first started you thought there was no way you were strong enough to get through it but you did. You have gotten through every disappointment and pain in the past and you will get through this as well. Your strength will grow from this experience. You will encourage others to never give up even when they can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is a part of your story but it is just a chapter. Or maybe it’s two chapters but you will come out of this so much more dynamic and remember people can relate to pain because struggle is universal. When we watch movies we fall in love with characters who have gone through hard things. Think of the Lion King. Simba felt lost, shame, and doubt. He struggled. But he overcame that struggle. There would be no movie if he never went through that struggle.
5. What you focus on grows. This one can be hard when you are in the midst of your disappointment. This is potentially top 5 last things you don’t want to hear. But if you focus on fear, doubt, and negativity you will see more of those things. You are in control of your thoughts. Thoughts will come up randomly but you get to decide if you give them time and energy or not. Focus on where you want to be. Focus on things that make you happy. Be intentional and relentless about this because you attract what you feel. Visualization and gratitude are game changers when you are feeling down. Other things you can do are make a joy list - make a list of things that you enjoy doing. I’ve talked about this before. Things like rollerblading and lighting a candle are on my joy list. They can be big or small but be proactive and do some of the things from this list. Write it down so you can refer back to it when you need to. Another thing you can do is make a list of all the things you’ve accomplished. Again, big and small. For this one I want you to put on a timer for 5 minutes and just write. Do not stop until the timer goes off. Write as fast as you can without thinking too much about it. Some examples are I said no to someone when I wanted to instead of people pleasing, I took time for myself, I went outside, I got a promotion. Again - focus on your achievements and what you have accomplished rather than on the disappointment.

 

Disappointments are always going to happen. It’s okay to be sad and angry and hurt. It’s okay to feel your feelings but try your best not to live in that space. Focus on what you can control. You can’t always control what happens but you can control how you respond to it. Try your best to keep looking to the future to keep looking toward where you want to go. One setback isn’t going to define you. If you’re open to it you will see that there are things that you can learn from any setback. Things that are going to make you a better version of yourself. Lessons that can help other people. Remember the bigger picture. Life isn't over. You are strong. You are courageous. You are powerful and you can keep moving forward. Even if you have to slow down a bit. This is your life. You get to decide the outcome. You get to decide if you pick yourself back up. It may be hard but we can do hard things.

Show Up and Own Your Voice

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 22 Show Up and Own Your Voice

For more info visit www.showuptogoup.com or connect with me @stephygthatsme

Own your voice - What does that even mean? Can I just be totally honest for a second here - one of my very first acting classes in LA - I was so blah (which how you do one thing is how you do everything so because I was blah and trying to people please in my real life I was also blah in my acting). My acting coach said I needed a stronger point of view. I was 22 or 23 and I literally didn’t know what that meant. It’s so funny looking back now because it’s so simple right but at the time I had no idea. I loved to overcomplicate things and since I hated looking bad or dumb instead of asking for clarity I said that I understood without really having a clue. I went home and immediately googled point of view.

Your point of view is just how you feel about something. In acting it’s so important to have a strong, specific point of view about everything but it’s also important to know how you feel about things in real life too. We suppress our feelings so much. Your body always knows how you feel but we overcomplicate things but trying to figure them out mentally.

When I was in my last relationship I knew that it wasn’t right. The whole time. But he wasn’t a bad guy and treated me pretty well so I tried to mentally convince myself that I could make it work, that I was making this up, that he was a good guy so I should just be happy - for 3 years. And yet, I knew in my heart that it wasn’t right. At that time I couldn’t verbalize why it wasn’t right and even now I can’t fully but the visceral feeling was my intuition, my inner voice. I tried to suppress it because I was a people pleaser and I didn’t want to hurt him but by not trusting that voice I was disempowering myself. I was hurting myself and I was hurting him because I knew in my heart he wasn’t the one for me. I thought I was doing him a favor by staying with him but I wasn’t. I was being selfish by not listening to that voice.

That voice, your intuition, that is God speaking to you. You are a powerful human and you have God within you. You have all the answers you need.  We often look to others for answers to our problems. We read all the books, we ask all our friends but no one knows the answer to your problem better than you. Also, it’s important to note that your mind is completely different than your intuition. Overthinking will only overcomplicate things. You don’t need a pro and con list because you already know the answer. When you visualize about leaving or staying at the job what feels best? Leaving something behind whether it’s a person, a job, or a situation, is always going to be scary because it’s what you know, it’s your comfort zone. But most times we already know in our hearts that what we’re currently doing isn’t right. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

The more you follow your intuition and trust your voice the stronger it will be and the more confidence you will have in it. Your intuition is your power. It is your guiding compass. Your truth will set you free. It will give you peace and it will create space for what you want to fall into place. My intuition has never been wrong. When I’ve listened to my head and made decisions based on people pleasing or based on financial gain I have regretted it but when I’ve listened to my intuition and made decisions based on what feels right I’ve never regretted it.

If you have a lingering feeling of unhappiness that is your intuition telling you something isn’t right. Don’t ignore it. Close your eyes, turn off all the outward noise, and go inward. Go deeper and listen. Connect with who you are. Connect with who God created you to be. Connect with and own your voice that is so powerful. Listen and then take action. Maybe you can’t take action right away but make a plan to change that thing that’s making you unhappy. Don’t be afraid to make a change because I promise you once you hear that voice telling you somethings not right it will only get louder and stronger until you do. Don’t be afraid to step into something new. You were made to thrive and not just survive. Own that voice within you.

My Interview on Road to The City Podcast

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 21 My Interview on Road to The City Podcast

The tables have turned and I'm getting interviewed! This is my interview on Road to The City Podcast by Michael Jibrin. We talk about my acting journey and how it led me to where I am now, a crazy story about prayer (a must listen!), and how I keep moving forward despite hard times. Michael is a great interviewer and host. He has several great episodes so check out Road to The City Podcast for more info!

I hope you enjoy this conversation! For more info you can find me on Instagram at @stephygthatsme/@showuptogoup or www.showuptogoup.com.

Show Up Better 5 Years From Now

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 20 Show Up Better 5 Years from Now

We are not who we need to be in order to have what we want 5 years from now. If you don't know where you want to be in 5 years spend some time dreaming about the best version of yourself. What do you need to do today to get closer to who you want to be?

Thank you so much for listening! If you enjoyed this episode please share it with your friends or hit subscribe. You can also check out my website at www.showuptogoup.com or find me on IG at @stephygthatsme or @showuptogoup.

 

This past weekend was the Rise Live event and I was loving it. For those of you that don’t know Rise events are personal development events put on by Rachel Hollis and her team. This particular event was virtual obviously and focused on courage and leadership. It was soooo good! If you don’t know who Rachel Hollis is then please look her up. She is one of the biggest personal development mentors in my life. I went to her live event in January shortly after learning about her and that event changed my life. I kid you not. I came back from that event lit up and feeling like I could take over the world. Ugh so good.

Anyway, this weekend she did a virtual conference and it was filled with a ton of motivational speakers including Ed Mylett, Jen Hatmaker, and John Maxwell. It was like 10 straight hours of inspiration and motivation and it was awesome. Butttt my biggest take away was this...The idea that right now I am not who I need to be in order to have what I want 5 years from now. Just like you are not who you need to be to have what you want 5 years from now.

First off...do you know what you want 5 years from now? I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard in the past couple weeks about the importance of visualization. So if you don’t know where you want to be then that’s okay but how do you take steps toward nowhere? Don’t let life happen to you. Take control of your life and proclaim what you want. Don’t be afraid to have big audacious dreams just like Tori said in the last episode. Close your eyes, put on a 5 minute timer, and dream. Vividly imagine the life that you’ve always wanted. Without judgement.

It makes me so sad to hear people say that they don’t know how to dream anymore. That is not a knock on you. If you have a hard time dreaming big dreams for your life that just means that maybe you’ve been worn down by life or maybe you’ve been told by someone who had good intentions not to dream. But don’t let other people’s fear place limitations on your dreams. Your dreams are yours. From your creator. Given to you for a reason. Specifically given to you because you are capable of those things. Visualize the best version of yourself and what her life would look like. See your best life from your perspective. What clothes do you wear? Where do you travel? What are you passionate about?

I’ve done this a couple times and sometimes it feels uncomfortable to do but stay with it and stretch yourself a little bit. Once the timer goes off write everything and I mean everything down. Every single thing that you desire - both big and small. And remember, no judgement. Some of the things on my list are to speak at RISE (the event I just mentioned), to vacation regularly in Hawaii, and to get weekly massages. I want to be a professional speaker and author and make the majority of my income doing so. Butttt I am not there yet. Not even close. So what can I do to get closer to that goal? I can read books on public speaking, I can watch speakers and take notes, I can work with a speaking coach and I can practice. I can put in the work because the reality is where I am now is not where I need to be to be invited to speak at RISE.

So what is one of your audacious goals? If that goal were to happen right now would you be ready for it? If the answer is yes then you are thinking too small. Because the thing about goals is you want to have goals that are bigger than you. Goals that stretch you and force you to grow because it is in the process of achieving the goal that you learn so much about who you are. It’s not even about the goal it’s about the person you become on your way to achieving that goal. So what is something that if you had the time or if you weren’t afraid to fail or if you had the money you would do? That’s it. That’s what you need to work toward. Don’t worry about the hows. Be clear and specific about what you want and take small steps every day toward achieving that thing. When you start to consistently take action you will be so surprised how things fall into place. You will realize that you are capable of overcoming obstacles and find confidence in your strength. Know where you want to go and put in the time and work. It’s not going to be easy but it’ll be better than easy. Nothing great comes easy. Everything worthwhile is uphill. But it’ll get easier as you keep going because you’ll grow stronger and better. So where do you want to be and what do you need to do right now, today, this week to get you closer to that version of yourself?

Show Up with Confidence (with Tori Kruse)

Show Up to Go Up

Ep 19 Show Up with Confidence (with Tori Kruse)

In this episode we talk about how to find confidence, how to starve your fear by building faith, and how to keep moving forward despite tough times. Below is a breakdown of our conversation...

I hope you enjoy this conversation! For more info you can find me on Instagram at @stephygthatsme/@showuptogoup or www.showuptogoup.com.

 

Contact Tori:

@misstorikruse

info@highlightsnheels.com

 

1:25 - Have you struggled with fears or confidence issues?

Absolutely! She thought she was confident growing up but if she had the confidence back then that she has now (after years of working on herself) then it would have been a totally different story.

 

2:15 Tori’s Story:

She was an athlete growing up and she always had a supportive family that always believed in her. Her faith has led her through every obstacle in her life. One day in college she saw an ad for competing at Miss USA. She signed up for Miss Iowa Teen USA. She didn’t win but she was a semi finalist. She realized she like pageantry so the next year she signed up for Miss USA. After college she moved to Missouri and found a bigger purpose to serve others and 4 years later she won Miss Missouri USA. It took her 8 years to win but her journey was full of discipline and full of lessons and growth. She developed Highlights N Heels based off the knowledge she learned during that time.

 

6:05 - Can you speak on the impact that personal development has made on your life?

It took investing in herself to get to where she is now. She has gained so much knowledge from reading books. The number one book she recommends is The Secret. It helped her realized that her words have power and to pay attention to the things she says. She also recommends Wake Up Happy by Michael Strahan. She used to care so much about what others thought but now she realizes that if people compliment her it’s not about her, it’s about her gifts that she’s been given.

 

8:15 - Can you think of any specific little things that you would say to yourself that were harming you?

She’s very sarcastic but her words were self deprecating. Examples of this are “you’re not smart enough to do this,” or “I’ll never be as good as her.” Even if you’re joking there is a lot of truth that comes with your words so be careful what you say out loud. She also learned to write things into existence. She used to write down that she would be Miss Missouri every day. She was Miss Missouri in her mind for 4 years before it actually happened. Write your dreams down.

 

10:20 - What does it mean to you to show up for yourself?

Taking action. She never loses. She either wins or she learns. Don’t be knocked down by a no because it means you’re closer to a yes. Push through those doubts and get comfortable being uncomfortable.

 

11:25 - Can you talk a little more about loving being uncomfortable and how you can do that?

It’s a process. It’s not an overnight thing. You have to believe in yourself. Words of affirmation have helped her. Writing down encouraging statements and looking at them regularly. “God did not give you this day because you needed it. He gave you this day because someone needed you.” Someone needs you every single day. Removing the pressure off yourself helps. You are here for a reason.

 

13:05 - Has leaning into your purpose been something that’s helped you move forward during the challenges of covid 19?

Her faith has helped her so much. It’s important to focus on faith and starve your fear. She created a product that’s 7 Steps to a Positive Mindset. If anyone is interested you can contact her (see contact info above). It’s in those times of uncertainty that our personalities are able to shine most. Take the focus off yourself and think about the people who need you most and be of service to them.

 

14:35 - How did you get into coaching and speaking after Miss Missouri USA?

Part of her role as Miss Missouri was to speak to audiences. The year before she won, in 2017, she was runner up for Miss Missouri and she moved to LA to pursue her dream of becoming a sports broadcaster. She networked and learned to ask people for help. There are so many people who are willing to help if you are willing to ask. Sometimes you have to do the scariest thing to know that you’re going to make it through. You have to visualize past the hard times and visualize who you want to be as a person and take steps toward that. We are building habits right now during covid19. What habits do you want to take forward after this time? Sticking to her morning routine has helped her keep moving forward. Know where you want to go but pivot if you need to. 

 

20:14 - Can you explain what 10x is and how it has changed your life? 

10x is with Grant and Elena Cardone. Their movement is about 10xing your life by thinking bigger than yourself. She loves surrounding herself with people who think big and inspire her. Being a part of the community has helped her catapult her business and career. The coolest thing about personal development is we can take a little bit from everyone and tweak them and use what works for you and your business or life. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel but how can you incorporate your uniqueness.

 

23:25 - Where did your passion for helping women come from?

When she was Miss Missouri she traveled around the state and spoke to young men about sexual assault and respecting women. She would educate them from a girl’s perspective. After Miss USA she had to decide if she wanted to focus on serving women with her skills and lessons she’d learned or continue to serve and educate men She realized she could help and relate to women more easily because she’s been there. 

 

26:43 - What is your favorite quote that you love to live by?

"God didn’t give you this day because you needed it. It’s because someone needed you.” AND “Every single no is one step closer to your yes.”

 

27:40 - What advice or words of encouragement would you give to someone who doesn’t have any confidence?

You are enough. You were created for a reason. Make yourself do something to take a little action because there is at least one person that needs you and your smile.

 

 28:50 - Where can people find you and is there anything else you’re excited about?

She is hosting a weekly networking zoom call at 4pm PT/7pm ET. You can also text unstoppable to 66866 for a Winning Mindset Starter Guide. You can also reach out to her on social media at @misstorikruse or info@highlightsnheels.com